On making decisions

This is something I wrote back in July, while contemplating almost a year of living abroad:

What have I learnt out of my experience of coming to Germany?

I've learned that when it comes to making big decisions, don’t get sucked into  something just because it sounds exciting, or you don’t have any other options, or “someone” thinks it s a good idea…

really take it to heart, sit with it, see how it feels. You can even go as far as imagining yourself there, what would it be like, what are the potential struggles? Go online and find communities involved in this area/topic-talk to the people, see what they say, try to stay objective.

1.        Every decision has to come from a calm, peaceful place, in order for it to be the right one. As you are making a decision, ask the universe to give you three clear signs that it is right/not right for you  at this time.

2.      After  having made the decision, ask God for all protection and easing the transition into the new state of being/moving/new chapter of your life, removing the obstacles and surrounding you with the right people.

3.       Trust in the process and know there are no mistakes. If it doesn’t feel right, you are always free to leave and start something new in your life. Always. 

The return of the prodigal blogger

Seasons change, months go by...and somehow, I've managed to miss blogging about it for months now. Many exciting and new things transpired, most of which i had either managed to scribble down on pieces of paper that happened to be nearby, or store in my "internal blogging device". Needless to say, I feel a strong urge to catch up on my writing.
Well, for starters, I am much less depressed these days than I used to be. The idea of living in Europe is agreeing with me more and more and after having made some effort into making my life more comfortable and bearable, I now have quite a positive outlook on the remainder of my time here.
I have not yet set any big goals for myself for the next year, what matters to me now is whether I had managed to live my day as happy as I can, while staying true to myself- and that is what I call a successful day.

Call of the wild

Whenever I wake up much earlier then I'd like,  tiredly dragging myself, half-awake and still sleepy-eyed to whatever it is I have to do that day: a class, or, worse yet, a "job" that doesnt pay me any money, that I find extremely boring and a total waste of time. I hate doing something for the sole reason of getting a small piece of a puzzle for someone else: imagine learning new software, spending days entering data, figuring out how it works, just so that in the end, you can get a number for someone to put into yet another software to "improve" their model. It all seems pretty unreal and, well, useless. 

So i'm asking myself in the mornings: is this really what my life had come to? Is this "growing up"? If so, I don't really want it -no, thanks! I truly miss the days of waking up on the edge of civilized settlements and hearing a helicopter starting up, getting ready for a new and exciting day of adventures. Every morning is fresh, as you head out from your tent to the breakfast one, there is a sense of newness and anticipation.

I have just finished reading some great, lengthy e-mails of a friend of mine doing geology work in Cambodia. And it made me remember the beauty and romanticism of being a geologist in the first place, the reason why so many before us got into geology: the sense of discovery, adventure and pioneering spirit. 

Unfortunately it has now mostly been replaced by big money, solid job and a steady supply of cash that lets you afford everything an avergage person can dream of: a big house, new car, 1-2 vacations to Mexico a year.

However, it takes more than the average person to throw themselves into the wild, the unknown, with a leap of faith and see what comes up for them. It often includes struggles with the seasons, nature, loneliness, tiredness, frustrations...all to be reimbursed by amazing life experience, growth and knowing one's self.  

I'm only happy when it rains

What could be more serene and peaceful than watching the downpour from the warmth and comfort of your home, sipping hot cocoa and indulging in a book you've been putting off? These are my favourite kinds of days. That's not to say that I don't love the hot, sunny, "let's go to the beach" kinds of days either, but this is something different, where I feel no guilt in spending all day meditating, staying at home by myself. There is nothing more soothing than a sound of rain (in the absence of the ocean waves, of course). These are the pensive, creative kinds of days, that allow you to tap into your inner being, to slow down and just be here...

View from my window

Europe excitement

Realizing how close I am to Italy, being in South Germany, is rather an exciting thought. I remember my giddy excitement as a little kid when my dad brought me Swiss chocolates after visiting Zurich and some of Italy and ever since then my interest towards Italian culture and the desire to visit it someday had been growing. And here I am now! It's rather funny how despite being in Germany, I am much more interested in seeing the neighboring countries instead. It's not that I don't find Germany interesting, in fact, I love the vast wheat fields, little farming towns, rolling green hills and even some of the larger cities. It's just that given the choice, I'd rather be by the seaside instead, and a warm one, preferably. Thus, the Mediterranean coast is my best (and closest) option. There is really nothing like waking up by the sea and taking a stroll in the warm morning sunlight, perhaps stopping by the bakery, full of people enjoying their morning coffee and a newspaper, to get your fresh bread and then heading home to have a sumptuous, leisurely breakfast on your balcony overlooking the promenade. -That's me reminiscing of our times spent in La Pineda. And it's view like these that make me want to come back for more (taken during my first trip to the Mediterranean coast in October):

Attitude of Gratitude

I woke up today only by convincing myself that I can as long as I actually show up for my "scientific practice" at the Water Research Centre, I can successfully do nothing. Check emails, sit on facebook,-whatever it takes to make the 3 hours go by faster and less painfully. Yes, I know that I am supposed to be happy about doing something real, learning new skills and somehow "moving towards" eventually writing my thesis, but when I am giving up my only free morning when I could've been sleeping in, it's awful, it's terrible, and I am never in the  mood to work or "impress anyone". Better yet, I've made next to zero progress in the last 3 weeks, as I am still working on the same set of well data. Good thing they're not paying me, ha!

By the time lunch rolled around, I've noticed the grumpiness lifting bit by bit. And when I finally came home after another 3-hour lecture, one of my best friends from Russia was online and was willing to talk to me, endlessly. So here's what I've been meaning to say for a while:

I am so, so grateful for the wondeful friends in my life who make every day things fun. What started out as the kind of day that your cannot wait to finish, turned into a happy, content, loving one! And it doesn't matter whether we meet on the computer in some cyber space or in real life.  What matters is the amount of love, compassion and understanding pouring out of their hearts. I am one lucky girl to have these friends! Thank you :)

Simplicity

Why couldn't life just be as simple as: put on a new outfit, buy a new pretty dress and feel happy? Or why can't it just be all about pleasure and vanity? Get up, make your hair pretty, your face glowing, eyes sparkling, go out for yummy cake and lay down with your loved one, cuddling and watching a movie in the evening...why does it have to be deeper than that? why do we have to think about careers and what to do with our lives and how to make money and what we need to do on a daily basis in order to not fall behind, not to sit still and "fall out of the boat of life"? Or do we at all? Is that what people mean by "stepping out of the rat race" and enjoying every small moment instead? I mean, where is the difference between vanity/shallowness and honest contentment?

 Or does it go back to the same "the things that make you happy define your level of awareness" type of thing?

I wish life was really just as simple as buying a new shirt sometimes.

Resistance is futile

Resisting is the theme of the day, it seems.
I find that I must give up my childish, innocent views of the world for something more mature and grown up: accept that not everyone will always care about you and appreciate your company, accept that most people care about very little other than themselves.

So i ask myself: at which point is it worth it to give up, to change the dream from the one you'd thought you wanted to the next one? at which point do you say: enough, I've changed and I no longer benefit from this experience?

The one good quality of unhappiness is that it motivates us to change, to morprh, to strive for that which is not where you are now, to move towards the opposite, the happiness...

I get that noone can make your life happen FOR you, that I cannot just sit and idly watch as the things I want start to appear in my life. Although, wouldn't that be nice?  

Lake Constance

I've been meaning to go to a lake of some sort, ever since the weather got nice and sunny here. Not that it's hot enough for swimming yet-of course not, but I do find it much more enjoyable to suntan and read a book in a vicinity of a clear, non-man made water body. Thus, my options in Tuebingen are limited to a stretch of an island green space in the middle of the town, full of tourists and youngsters. So I thought back to last October, when, on the way to Switzerland, we found the cutest little campsite, proudly boasting it's “eco-ness”. While I am not exactly sure what's so “eco” about it (surely, not the prices!), I did very much enjoy their wonderful, uniquely built wooden huts.

Thus, having finally decided to do it, on my own, I'd left Tuebingen with a backpack on my shoulders, which had become a rather pleasant, adventurous sensation...After quite uneventful, although comfortable 3 hrs and 3 changeovers, I had arrived in a tiny town of Allensbach, known only for its fantastic location right on the lake. (well, the thinner arm of the lake, as it;s quite huge!). I had no certain plan,  or a map, even, of what I wanted to do or where I wanted to go. I just knew I wanted to “be there”. Having dismounted the train, an instant smile spread across my face: I made the right choice by coming here! It took only a short, 15-min walk to the campsite, most of it along the lake shore, watching the cyclists, kids playing with the inflatable boats, adults enjoying the afternoon drink in the sun of their balconies, walking along the cutest houses and gardens I have seen yet!

Upon arrival, I was quite happy (and surprised) to find out that a wooden hut rental is almost the price of a tent with 2 adults! (29 vs 20 euros). I much  prefer not having to carry any of my own equipment for such a small price difference, having electricity, staying front row to the lake and enjoying a warm, comfy sleep in one of these cute German creations. I still cannot get used to how they calculate campsite prices here (that goes for France and Spain as well)-there is never a set price, but rather a collection of a lot of partial fees. For example, the size of the tent matters then each person has a surcharge, then the car spot if you need one,-so while it can look cheap on the website, by the time they add it all up, you're looking at 17-25 euros a night. Not bad for renting out a piece of grass, huh?

Of course, as soon as I was ready to don on my bathing suit and get some well-deserved sun, the sky grew ominous gray , followed by a few consecutive thunder claps. One word of advice: when travelling to small towns like this one, always carry cash with you. The campsite doesn't even accept debit or credit cards, so, braving the elements, I went in search of a bank machine in town. Luckily, the town itself is so small, it took me only 20 minutes to find out that my bank did not grace them with its presence and I had to just suck it up and pay the fee to draw from the ATM (which is quite steep, by the way- 4 euros!-could've had lunch for that price!). Well, I,m sure I will be better prepared next time. On the way back to the campsite, I was amazed at all the cute cafes and restaurants situated right on the lake, with the prettiest views. I mean, this town is just all about relaxing: the shore walking path goes on for miles and miles, if walking if what you need. There are many beaches and green parks on the way also, with few boat rental locations, quite reasonably priced. I figured I;d let the weather decide what it wants to do and wait until the morning for the boat, as I'm in no  rush to jump back on the train early in the morning. And for now-it's coffee, cake and water fowl watching time!

...aaand, I'm back!

Back to the land where beer is same price as the water used to produce it. Why drink water then? :)

I think Germany is trying very hard to greet me with extra charm this time, as to make up for my first impression upon initial arrival: upon landing in Memmingen, I paid for the bus shuttle to the nearest train station, seeing how I was the only one heading in that direction, they gave me a taxi instead, straight to train station doors, no walking required! Trying to find the nearest beverage station, a group of giggling girls approached me, asking if I need a ticket (they have these non-person unique province tickets). Here I'm thinking to myself: “aha, I know this trick. So how much are they gonna ask for it?” while I am trying to calculate in my tired, dehydrated head how much I am willing to dish out for a second hand ticket, She says: “here, take it, owe got a group one, I don't need it anymore!”

Oh, heavens! What joy in these simple, unexpected encounters. SO not only did I save 20 euros, but also I am smiling and happy, despite my journey home taking over 6 hrs. Why not, when you receive pleasant surprises on the way?

And once again, I have to say that I am a huge RyanAir fan. Not only was this flight on time, it was half hour early ( not that I needed it), the baggage came out before I even got a chance to go to the bathroom, and it was 67 euros from Spain to Germany! What's not to like? They are awesome (well, besides being kind of like a flying “TV infomercial channel” non-stop. But that's how they make their extra money that we save on flying costs, so I am quite, quite ok with it!

And here I am now, in the country where the language makes no sense to me. My brain is still attempting to speak Spanish to everyone I see, I'm guessing it will take a few days to recover, just how I couldn't stop saying “danke, danke” in Italy. I'm just about 48 hrs behind on the language transitions, I guess :)

And so, with the last toe dip in the Mediterranean sea and few grains of sand still clinging to my skin, I am off to the great mighty Deutschland. I am trying my best to only live it one day at a time, really I am, but I am scared about what will come once this vacation is over and reality sets in. Which is inevitable now. 3 weeks have gone much too fast again, leaving me with endless memories and pictures and stories that will be remembered and told over and over again. Mom is the best traveling companion in the world and I feel so so blessed to have been able to experience all these countries and cultures, their history and traditions. I feel that we succeeded in merging with every culture to our fullest extent by walking the streets, participating in the markets, talking to the locals in whatever language was possible at the time...