Thursday, February 3, 2011

on love and fear

In order to get some of my sanity back after a hard exam this morning, I've decided to watch "Eat, Pray and Love" again. Admittedly, the book is much better than the movie, with much better insights and less emphasis on the happy ending. However, for the lack of better options, today was a movie-watching kind of day.
 So I wanted to write out some of my favourite quotes and my own thoughts on such.

"You disappear into the person you love: if I love you, you can have it all-my time, my money, my energy, my dreams ...I will give you all that and project on you all kinds of qualities you've never even had! I will give you all this and more, until i am so exhausted and depleted " (that i simply need to leave, end it, etc...)

Sounds familiar? Most of us have been there. We think when we are truly in love, there is no longer a need for boundaries and that's not right. Yes, loving means sharing, but not giving away! Boundaries are healthy and it's important to keep them there from day 1. The way you were regarding things which are important to you before you met the person, the same way you should regard them after. Losing yourselves in each other is only blissful in the first few weeks-months. Sooner or later you wake up to reality and you no longer recognize the person you've become and you start blaming your partner for "stealing you time" and now you want it back you want your life back, but to the partner it looks like a betrayal. Yes, some people really want nothing else than to lose themselves in someone, some relationship... indefinitely. They gladly sacrifice their careers, talents, ambitions, just for the sake of knowing that this person next to them will love them for it in return. After all, they gave all this up for you-now you owe them! And you will never be able to pay back THAT loan.

When things happen too fast, when someone just throws all their love and affection in you, you take it all in, and as soon as it is withheld, you start craving it, demanding it, turning resentful at the other .

"the object of your adoration is now repulsed by you.They start demanding their space as if you're some stranger, invading their territory. This kind of infatuation ends the same way-with complete devaluation of self, where you'll do anything to get that "hit" one more time."

Some people agree to be "miserable but happy not to be apart" - and they accept the dysfunctional relationship. And they settle for living in misery because they are afraid without each other it would be even worse, without each other their world would not exist, it would crumble to ruins...-but we all have the resources, the power, the strength to rebuild ourselves. 
"Ruined is a gift. ruined is a road to transformation. We must always be prepared for endless waves of transformation."

So here is the choice: do you base the decisions on fear or love?
Staying together out of fear of being alone, out of fear you won't make it, out of fear of change, of not being able to adapt, out of fear of making the wrong decision and perpetual regret. 
Out of fear of not finding a better mate, succumbed to living the rest of our lives alone. 
All of us have had these fears at least once in our lives. Looking back, we can tell the person we've become by the choices we've made: were they based on fear or love? truth or made-believe? When we make choices from a place of strength and leap into the unknown, supported by nothing but pure faith, that is when we open ourselves to the universe to bestow its blessings. You always have the choice of staying in a stagnant pool, where the water is warm and murky, but at least everything is familiar. and noone will judge you but yourself. Some people have lived many a happy life like that. But consider this: what does that life teach you in the end? Does it show you the potential you carry inside yourself, does it reveal the many gifts stored for you, waiting to be opened?
 ... the gifts that are waiting for you somewhere else, where you have to take the leap of faith to get to-the other road.

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