Wednesday, December 29, 2010

Fresh Canvas

I painted my first, real, big painting in so so long! The first one since I'd moved here.What a wonderfully freeing experience! What a burst of  excitement and joy. What an interesting feeling to just cut a piece of canvas from a roll, as big as you want. And suddenly, i want to go big!!! No longer afraid of the size of the canvas, I find the size of the table is not big enough anymore; I want a painting the size of the wall!
Sure, I just painted some colourful lines. And here my ego kicked in: "You call this a painting? A child can do that! What are smiling at? What's here to be proud of? At least draw a palm tree in the foreground or something!" But it makes me happy. Simple as that. Looking at my overly simplified painting, I fill up with warm memories of distant sandy beaches and warm breeze. And in the end, it's not even about what you paint, it's about how you feel when you paint, it's about the emotional release. I realzied that during painting I simply don't think. Because I know that if I start thinking, the paitning will get much worse! So I just follow some instinct, some guidance, without careful sketching or planning. If I like it in the end-great, if not-I had a fun couple hours of pure unrestricted joy! Art is not about a pretty picture or an accurate depiction anymore,-it is a tool to express your wildest fantasies, your dreams and desires, to remind yourself of who you really are. I paint to re-affirm, to feel and to visualize what I know is true.

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