Europe, looking back

Having had the privilege of having lived in Central Europe for quite some time, some days I cannot help but look back and reminisce with a sense of nostalgia for days long gone. So, dwelling further, I was intrigued to find out what it is I am really reminiscent about, and here it is:

Although I could miss Germany/Europe, I don’t miss it the way I lived it…I am now grateful to:

-have my own house, generous backyard with privacy for enjoying anything, hosting parties, eating dinners, suntanning, doing yoga, working on my computer from a lounge chair in my "outdoor office"

-I don’t miss the drunken voices outside my window yelling at all times

-I don’t miss not having any privacy or sense of ownership, knowing that the "hausmeisters" are watching you, just waiting for that one time when you will slip up and forget to sort out your recycling properly

-although I do not meet the people often, if and when I do meet, it’s the people I really want to see and spend time with…ones who know me well and  we have a fantastic connection, can relate to each other on many levels, have fun, without the language or cultural barrier.

-I love the big, wild, open spaces-and easily being able to reach them-unlike Europe. 

The bottom like is, both places have their advantages. It can be very interesting to discover all the small town of Germany, especially if you are camping, knowing that there are always things around to see and do, but on the same token it can get weary knowing that everything is so dense, built up, with people everywhere like ants...and at times when what you are seeking is a connection with nature and solitude, that may not be all that conducive.

I absolutely adore some aspects of European life, BUT I’ve come to believe that to truly enjoy it, one would have to be a couple (or a young adult looking to party non-stop and have a good time, some casual encounters- that’s pretty easy to do there too, and you would have an amazing time, as it is far easier to find someone who just wants to party with you, go out and drink, rather than someone to relate to you on a more meaningful level, share your interests, and so on). However, Europe, although as an undertone, suggests to be  best viewed as a couple. All the apartments come furnished for a size of 2 or so…the last minute travel deals that would blow your mind to almost anywhere… for two. I am not even going to mention all the cute cafes and intimate restaurants you could have countless dates in and build lasting memories. Another positive-Europe is extremely kid friendly and pretty awesome for travelling with young kids-most of the time, no fare needs to be paid on ground transportation for kids under 7 and the amount of kid-friendly cafes and playgrounds will astonish you.

Overall, while I enjoyed myself  immensely and will once in a while become nostalgic for certain parts of the European lifestyle,  I much prefer the freedom and ample opportunities that the western world has to offer... Having said that, I am already planning my next vacation to Italy in my mind :)

Technology vs. humans: checking in

Do you know that feeling when you wonder where the day has gone? Sometimes, I wonder where the whole week has gone. So, as this week begins and I remain hopeful of achieving everything I had set out to do and more, I am drawn to experiment with breaking the patterns. We may have the best ideas, but if we do nothing about them, they just go to waste. If you keep on ignoring your creative instincts to create, eventually they will diminish and come to a halt. Upon returning home from a marvelous workshop, the difference in the creative potential and the distractions around us are obvious. personally, one culprit is especially apparent: it sits there,demanding attention, and so I succumb to the call of my "master" and spend endless hours researching information for the future, answering e-mails, connecting with the rest of the world, all the seemingly needed things,yet as the day comes to a close, I am left with the question: "what did I really accomplish today?" Is all this really worth staying up into all hours of the night, falling out of the natural cycles of life, all for the sake of seeing who is "following" us, how many people are interested in your life, what is going on in the world- are we all that afraid to miss something in life, that we'd rather cling onto our blackberries, smartphones, iphones, etc-that to simply relax into the moment and appreciate it for what it is?

How often do you check your phone to see what's going on "out there", to make sure you're staying on top of it all? What if, instead, you "checked in" to see what is going on inside yourself?  What if, next time you're reaching for your latest piece of technology, you stop and ask yourself what is really behind your action, what you seem to be missing in this particular moment? The only way to make sure you are in charge of your life is to know that you are in control of your actions, and it is not your patterns running your life. It takes 30 days to break a habit and create a new one, to re-train the brain to start thinking and acting differently, so I challenge you to pick one thing to focus on for the next month that you would like to change and work on it for 30 consecutive days. For me, it is liberating myself from the negative mind chatter that stands in the way of achieving some of my biggest dreams.

Sometimes the simplest questions are the hardest ones to answer. If something makes you happy, what is it that is stopping you from devoting your life to what your passion is? Is it that fear in the back of your head whispering words of self-doubt :"why bother?.. you will not accomplish anything anyways... only few people live to experience their dreams, what makes you think it's you?...I would like to do it, but..., etc etc" and on and on it goes- the toxic pollutant of our minds. What if, instead, you devoted one hour, half an hour, fifteen minutes, even, to allowing yourself to dream of your biggest potential? If you could do anything at all right now, regardless of the circumstances, what would it be? I'm not talking about dreaming of sleeping in on the weekend, or dreaming of your next vacation- I mean, really big, life-changing dreams.  To tell you the truth, I cannot even recall the last time I've allowed myself to really dream, dream big-  but I am excited to find out what it will be!

Springing into Spring

Spring is upon us, so why not begin with some spring cleaning, so we can really "spring" into spring?

There is something natural in the seasons that urges our innate to re-examine our lives, prepare for renewal, shed all the dead weight of the past, leave what no longer serves us behind and rightfully step into the now.

What is it that doesn't serve you right now? If you take a close look at your life, how is it different from the best life that you can imagine for yourself? what is holding you back?

Through a number of occurrances of the last few days, it has become apparent to me what needs to be changed. When you become committed to inner growth, all of your dark and grey areas will become exposed. It is your choice how to proceed from then on, but for me, there is no choice- I am committed to going all the way. I’ve spent a lot of time on bettering myself as a human being, getting over my emotional blocks and pains,-so I can recognize the patterns and, hopefully, not get stuck in them again.

I am determined to live my life with an open heart, shine my light brightly, unapologetically. Those who deserve to be close, who can contribute to that open heart, will be close- those who can help expand that heart even wider, will be even closer, teaching me the biggest lessons of all. But those who have no purpose being near, who have served their role, will fall away like the autumn leaves off a mighty tree.

Spread your wings, butterfly.

Such is the renewal cycle of life. What doesn’t serve your highest purpose, will fall off. Those who recognize your real self and the message you carry, will want to be near. They will come from all directions, old friends and newly found soul brothers. Pity not the ones who leave, it is their choice in life- stay committed to your life and purpose. Shine even more brightly than ever.

Release your shackles, you dead weight, once and for all. Whatever is holding you back from living your dream, the greatest version of your life ever possible. If there are people in your circle ridden with negativity and emotional parasitism, ask yourself- what purpose are they serving being there? maybe it is time to let them go? There are two types of people: ones who inspire, who bring out the best in you even on your bad days, and then there are others, who are there to steal your light, to take some of that radiance away from you, because they are not happy themselves, they haven't found their way and their place in the world, they refuse to look within and face what is staring right back at them. As radical as it may seem, I now cut out all the unaware, misguided people like that from my life, I have no use for them. Life is too short to spend it on people who don't want to get better, who don't want to help themselves. It is not our role to change them or to mother them. 

So I disengage from these kind of people from my life. New friends will come, ones worthy of spending your time and energy on. If someone claims to be your friend, but never has anything friendly to offer, doesn’t care about your well being, only their own- that is not someone I want in my life, and neither should you. 

Let us be more mindful of who we chose to spend our time with, how we choose to spend it- are there recurrent patterns you would like to address? Notice your thoughts, your emotions- are some more prevalent than the others? If other people could hear all your thoughts, would that embarrass you? Would you still like yourself then? or is it time for some changes?

Bare it all

I quite like myself, thank you very much. More than that, I think I am a pretty awesome, fun, generous, well-natured person. It really doesn't get better than this.


Yet, I am left wondering: what is it that makes me, among other successful, put-together women, be so readily willing to give away their self-worth to someone who barely even matters to them anymore? 

When you get disrespected over and over again, at which point do you finally say "enough"? At which point do you look at the things in your life that no longer serve you and decide to make a different choice?As hard as it may be for some people, there is no substitute for honesty. When looking at your actions or reactions, one must ask themselves as to what are the real reasons for choosing to behave in this particular manner? what are you really trying to achieve? I do my best trying to stay honest with myself and other people, hence why I have no time or patience for idle chit chat and bullshit anymore.  When you say you wan to talk to me, are you really prepared for honest communication? Are you willing to face the depths of your soul and bare it all, perhaps finding something completely unexpected along the way? When things don't go as planned, will you run and hide, or are you going to welcome the new experience as part of the process, learning about yourself as a result? Do you really want communication, or rather a confirmation of your own attractiveness and your status in this world instead? When those little voices start bothering you that maybe you're not following the path of your heart, will you listen? or will you turn to the world, busying yourself int he daily life of a working bee, pretending that you don't know any better? that that's really all there is to it?

Be honest.

With yourself, with other people, with the strangers on the streets.

We don't have to pretend like everything is ok at all times, that we are liked and approved of by everyone always, that our lives have a direction and a purpose, or that we have it all together.


I'll be the first to admit that I don't have any of those said things, yet, strangely enough, I feel normal and part of society, and I'd rather be friends with those who can look within and readily admit what they see, than those who choose to keep up the appearances for the fear of facing something they are not yet ready to deal with. 

It's all about the level of self-awareness. Choose yours.

Nomad in love?

Prompted by a post from my fellow travel blogger, I have a few words on whether your love of travel is secretly sabotaging your potential for a relationship.

As you may have noticed, I try to keep my private life...well, private. I have other blogs for that kind of stuff. So, since this blog is dedicated to travelling and exploration of the world and the self, from that perspective, I try to streamline my posts to showcase more facts, interesting observations, but something that would be relevant to all the potential readers out there. Hence why my posts are quite sporadic- some days I just need to rant, and this is not the place for that.

That said, this issue of whether or not you will meet someone because you are not stable or rooted in one place doesn't just apply to the travel bugs out there- as an exploration geologist, my life takes me all over the world, sometimes for a few weeks, sometimes for a month, sometimes indefinitely,-but that is something I knew well in advance when choosing my career, I just didn't know how hard it would be.

Each time I am faced with the decision: is the new adventure worth losing what I have here, right now? And almost always, I hear a resounding “yes!” in my head-what is meant to be, will be. You cannot stop life from happening, but you can stop fear from letting you life your life the way you envision to, or secretly hope to.

As one of my friends once said: "people break up living in the same city every day, why would long-distance relationship automatically be destined for a break-up?" While I whole-heartedly agree that living in the same city does not offer immediate chances for the success of a relationship, having a long-distance relationship is not picnic either (although the comfort of knowing that you won't run into them at your favourite cafe after you break up is a great perk!)

Although there are some great uplifting examples of long-distance working out for committed couples, who have spent more than 2 years apart, only to reunite and get married and live happily ever after(...so far), it takes a fantastic dose of commitment, dedication, trust and,most importantly-great communication skills. Let's face is, when you cannot simply meet up after a disagreement, put your arms around each other, and agree to "forgive and forget", all you have to rely on is skillful communication-avoiding those sharp corners and possible problematic/sensitive topics.

Having said that, distance is not to blame for whether or not your relationship survives. Let's face it, throughout our lives, there will be circumstances when you will be forced to spend time away from your partner-days, weeks, maybe even months-so it is not through avoiding the separation, but rather how one chooses to deal with it that determines the "rate of survival" of this particular relationship. Breaks can be nice: having more time for yourself, your hobbies, meeting with the friends you may have been neglecting, getting to all those projects around the house you keep putting off, going the gym more often (and getting a free "fell-good" hormone boost!) and of course, having time to miss each other -all of this can put the romance back into a relationship, refresh your perspective on life and what is important- when done right.

I've had relationships fall apart equally as fast when a long-distance turned into living together, and vice versa. Despite all the challenges and unknowns, I am a firm believer that you should not let fear stop you-be it fear of missing out, fear of change, or fear of being alone for an indefinite amount of time- and I salute all of you brave souls out there who dare to explore what beyond what is familiar and comfortable. If someone truly wants to share their journey with you, it will happen- regardless of time, place, circumstances and plans.

Living abroad relfections

I found this gem while going through my half-finished blog drafts, but I think it deserves posting:After two years of living abroad, I wanted to reflect of what I have learned from this experience. Some of it may seem utterly trivial to some, but not for me. Living in a completely foreign country, where you don’t even understand the language one bit, alone.. takes quite a bit of courage. I am still astounded that somehow I managed to get over my fear of the unknown, I rose above the challenges that seemed to want to swallow me whole upon initial settling, and now I have to add I am truly enjoying myself in this European atmosphere. So much so, that I even decided to extend my stay by few extra months, forgoing the perpetual rush to graduate in order to advance in the job hunt before the others gain on.

I am no longer in a rush for anything. My life is comfortable, enjoyable and still plenty exciting. And now, looking back, I just wanted to note a few “for the future” valuable insights I had gained along the way:

1. Any time it comes to signing contracts, in a foreign language, it definitely pays to hire or ask someone to translate for you, in order to avoid many headaches in the future (yes, this happened to me on the topic of public vs state-owned health insurance in Germany- turns out, once you choose one or the other, you may never change you mind again. So much for freedom of choice that I grew so accustomed to in Canada)-never let yourself be bullied, rushed or pressured into signing anything you’re not sure about. Always ask around, weigh your options, ask other ex-pats and make sure you understand the binding conditions, then proceed.

2. In general, it doesn't hurt to ask. Ask, ask, ask,-talk to the people, go on forums even before you make the "big move", find out what you can about the country- health insurance policy, income tax rates, how does one go to a GP, etc. Don’t just assume you understand the situation because you heard one person’s opinion on the matter. Nothing is ever as clear-cut as it seems, so don’t put additional boundaries onto yourself; know when there is a will, there is a way. There will always be people willing to help you and offering guidance.

Hurghada,Egypt, Day 1: Cultural differences

Sometimes we don't fully understand what it is that brings us to a particular place, or why we seek the experiences we do. Here I am now, in a Muslim country, yet again I am asking myself-what did I come here looking to find?
Yes, the obvious answer is- I came to enjoy the sun and the beach and have a little getaway. After all, Egypt to Europeans is like Mexico to Canadians. But the deeper question is, why am I fascinated yet afraid of the Middle eastern culture at the same time?

Although I am intrigued by this country's long-standing traditions and ancient roots, I do not feel at peace in a man-dominated society, carrying with it so many restricting rules; I especially find it uncomfortable when it concerns showing my body. That is something I've never given much thought to before- I consider myself quite a modest dresser, I'm not a huge fan of short skirts or cleavages, yet here it's a whole other story. I find it amazing that i can literally look like a shapeless bag lady and still manage to get hit on all the time- no, that's not because my beauty radiates into the Cosmos and gets picked up by the satellites- that's simply because I am a female! It induces a feeling of shame and guilt and discomfort about showing any part of my body, which I did not even know I had...Once again I am reminded how grateful I should be to live in a culture where I am allowed to express my open, free and loving nature-I'm talking both Germany and Canada.

Being here, I love the feeling of the desert all around, I am aching to drive straight towards those dunes, those mountain peaks that beckon me to come closer each time the sun sets behind them,-but I can't. Not without getting a guide and a tour and all that commercialized stuff I am trying to avoid. It is mind boggling for a person like me, who loves to be at one with nature, to not be able to simply walk anywhere you feel like it. The feeling of restriction is overwhelming. It definitely puts simple pleasures of the first world into perspective. That being said, there is something very refreshing about leaving home for a little while, even if the experience is not what you may have expected. Already, I appreciate Germany so much more, I appreciate what I'd left behind-my hobbies, my friends, and all the areas around south Germany still left unexplored.

Reality check

And, just like that, things end as abruptly as they begin.

I remember meeting my Mexican amiga in my first week in Tuebingen, when, after completing the first Math prep class, we felt compelled to relieve our academic inadequacies as well as get to know each other better over  a few drinks on my balcony. Few drinks turned into a few bottles and, before I knew it, we were telling   each other everything. That night I’d learnt about Ana’s hopeful romantic assuredness in her long-distance relationship with a boyfriend in Paris (which fell apart quicker than I had time to learn all the names of my classmates); about Cristina’s ongoing relationship with a guy in the States, who, throughout all their time together, seemed to spend more time apart than physically in the same place on the map-but who was I to judge, it seemed to be working for them. Over time, I had gotten to understand that there are certain “tricks” one develops in order to convince themselves they are happy in a long distance relationship. Sometimes, even so happy that they forget what it is like to have that person near and no longer feel the desire to align their direction  in life with that of their partner. 

Since then, our girl group drifted apart, as people arranged themselves into couple conglomerates-something I had never felt a part of, for one reason or another. My friendship with Christina, however unsteady, remained as something that was even more important than I realized at the time. Often enough, in the times of loneliness and depression, I’d felt as if she was the only person I could turn to, even if that involved more of just sitting around her dim, cold communal kitchen and commiserating about how much this program turned out to be a mis-advertisement, rather than addressing the real issue of our unhappiness. She often surprised and inspired me in her logical, practical and easy-going approach to life. And now, she will be leaving Tuebingen, Germany, me and this crazy Masters school behind, as she opens the door to her new chapter in her life. It makes me think than sooner, rather than later, this chapter will be closed for me as well. Surely, this seems like an impossible gap of time away from now, during which many things may happen that will change my view on the world and change my priorities. Undoubtedly, I cannot even fathom what I will deem worthy of doing upon (ever) finishing this degree. Only time can tell...

On making decisions

This is something I wrote back in July, while contemplating almost a year of living abroad:

What have I learnt out of my experience of coming to Germany?

I've learned that when it comes to making big decisions, don’t get sucked into  something just because it sounds exciting, or you don’t have any other options, or “someone” thinks it s a good idea…

really take it to heart, sit with it, see how it feels. You can even go as far as imagining yourself there, what would it be like, what are the potential struggles? Go online and find communities involved in this area/topic-talk to the people, see what they say, try to stay objective.

1.        Every decision has to come from a calm, peaceful place, in order for it to be the right one. As you are making a decision, ask the universe to give you three clear signs that it is right/not right for you  at this time.

2.      After  having made the decision, ask God for all protection and easing the transition into the new state of being/moving/new chapter of your life, removing the obstacles and surrounding you with the right people.

3.       Trust in the process and know there are no mistakes. If it doesn’t feel right, you are always free to leave and start something new in your life. Always.