Nomad in love?

Prompted by a post from my fellow travel blogger, I have a few words on whether your love of travel is secretly sabotaging your potential for a relationship.

As you may have noticed, I try to keep my private life...well, private. I have other blogs for that kind of stuff. So, since this blog is dedicated to travelling and exploration of the world and the self, from that perspective, I try to streamline my posts to showcase more facts, interesting observations, but something that would be relevant to all the potential readers out there. Hence why my posts are quite sporadic- some days I just need to rant, and this is not the place for that.

That said, this issue of whether or not you will meet someone because you are not stable or rooted in one place doesn't just apply to the travel bugs out there- as an exploration geologist, my life takes me all over the world, sometimes for a few weeks, sometimes for a month, sometimes indefinitely,-but that is something I knew well in advance when choosing my career, I just didn't know how hard it would be.

Each time I am faced with the decision: is the new adventure worth losing what I have here, right now? And almost always, I hear a resounding “yes!” in my head-what is meant to be, will be. You cannot stop life from happening, but you can stop fear from letting you life your life the way you envision to, or secretly hope to.

As one of my friends once said: "people break up living in the same city every day, why would long-distance relationship automatically be destined for a break-up?" While I whole-heartedly agree that living in the same city does not offer immediate chances for the success of a relationship, having a long-distance relationship is not picnic either (although the comfort of knowing that you won't run into them at your favourite cafe after you break up is a great perk!)

Although there are some great uplifting examples of long-distance working out for committed couples, who have spent more than 2 years apart, only to reunite and get married and live happily ever after(...so far), it takes a fantastic dose of commitment, dedication, trust and,most importantly-great communication skills. Let's face is, when you cannot simply meet up after a disagreement, put your arms around each other, and agree to "forgive and forget", all you have to rely on is skillful communication-avoiding those sharp corners and possible problematic/sensitive topics.

Having said that, distance is not to blame for whether or not your relationship survives. Let's face it, throughout our lives, there will be circumstances when you will be forced to spend time away from your partner-days, weeks, maybe even months-so it is not through avoiding the separation, but rather how one chooses to deal with it that determines the "rate of survival" of this particular relationship. Breaks can be nice: having more time for yourself, your hobbies, meeting with the friends you may have been neglecting, getting to all those projects around the house you keep putting off, going the gym more often (and getting a free "fell-good" hormone boost!) and of course, having time to miss each other -all of this can put the romance back into a relationship, refresh your perspective on life and what is important- when done right.

I've had relationships fall apart equally as fast when a long-distance turned into living together, and vice versa. Despite all the challenges and unknowns, I am a firm believer that you should not let fear stop you-be it fear of missing out, fear of change, or fear of being alone for an indefinite amount of time- and I salute all of you brave souls out there who dare to explore what beyond what is familiar and comfortable. If someone truly wants to share their journey with you, it will happen- regardless of time, place, circumstances and plans.

Living abroad relfections

I found this gem while going through my half-finished blog drafts, but I think it deserves posting:After two years of living abroad, I wanted to reflect of what I have learned from this experience. Some of it may seem utterly trivial to some, but not for me. Living in a completely foreign country, where you don’t even understand the language one bit, alone.. takes quite a bit of courage. I am still astounded that somehow I managed to get over my fear of the unknown, I rose above the challenges that seemed to want to swallow me whole upon initial settling, and now I have to add I am truly enjoying myself in this European atmosphere. So much so, that I even decided to extend my stay by few extra months, forgoing the perpetual rush to graduate in order to advance in the job hunt before the others gain on.

I am no longer in a rush for anything. My life is comfortable, enjoyable and still plenty exciting. And now, looking back, I just wanted to note a few “for the future” valuable insights I had gained along the way:

1. Any time it comes to signing contracts, in a foreign language, it definitely pays to hire or ask someone to translate for you, in order to avoid many headaches in the future (yes, this happened to me on the topic of public vs state-owned health insurance in Germany- turns out, once you choose one or the other, you may never change you mind again. So much for freedom of choice that I grew so accustomed to in Canada)-never let yourself be bullied, rushed or pressured into signing anything you’re not sure about. Always ask around, weigh your options, ask other ex-pats and make sure you understand the binding conditions, then proceed.

2. In general, it doesn't hurt to ask. Ask, ask, ask,-talk to the people, go on forums even before you make the "big move", find out what you can about the country- health insurance policy, income tax rates, how does one go to a GP, etc. Don’t just assume you understand the situation because you heard one person’s opinion on the matter. Nothing is ever as clear-cut as it seems, so don’t put additional boundaries onto yourself; know when there is a will, there is a way. There will always be people willing to help you and offering guidance.

On making decisions

This is something I wrote back in July, while contemplating almost a year of living abroad:

What have I learnt out of my experience of coming to Germany?

I've learned that when it comes to making big decisions, don’t get sucked into  something just because it sounds exciting, or you don’t have any other options, or “someone” thinks it s a good idea…

really take it to heart, sit with it, see how it feels. You can even go as far as imagining yourself there, what would it be like, what are the potential struggles? Go online and find communities involved in this area/topic-talk to the people, see what they say, try to stay objective.

1.        Every decision has to come from a calm, peaceful place, in order for it to be the right one. As you are making a decision, ask the universe to give you three clear signs that it is right/not right for you  at this time.

2.      After  having made the decision, ask God for all protection and easing the transition into the new state of being/moving/new chapter of your life, removing the obstacles and surrounding you with the right people.

3.       Trust in the process and know there are no mistakes. If it doesn’t feel right, you are always free to leave and start something new in your life. Always.