Thursday, December 8, 2011

Reality check

And, just like that, things end as abruptly as they begin.
I remember meeting my Mexican amiga in my first week in Tuebingen, when, after completing the first Math prep class, we felt compelled to relieve our academic inadequacies as well as get to know each other better over  a few drinks on my balcony. Few drinks turned into a few bottles and, before I knew it, we were telling   each other everything. That night I’d learnt about Ana’s hopeful romantic assuredness in her long-distance relationship with a boyfriend in Paris (which fell apart quicker than I had time to learn all the names of my classmates); about Cristina’s ongoing relationship with a guy in the States, who, throughout all their time together, seemed to spend more time apart than physically in the same place on the map-but who was I to judge, it seemed to be working for them. Over time, I had gotten to understand that there are certain “tricks” one develops in order to convince themselves they are happy in a long distance relationship. Sometimes, even so happy that they forget what it is like to have that person near and no longer feel the desire to align their direction  in life with that of their partner. 
Since then, our girl group drifted apart, as people arranged themselves into couple conglomerates-something I had never felt a part of, for one reason or another. My friendship with Christina, however unsteady, remained as something that was even more important than I realized at the time. Often enough, in the times of loneliness and depression, I’d felt as if she was the only person I could turn to, even if that involved more of just sitting around her dim, cold communal kitchen and commiserating about how much this program turned out to be a mis-advertisement, rather than addressing the real issue of our unhappiness. She often surprised and inspired me in her logical, practical and easy-going approach to life. And now, she will be leaving Tuebingen, Germany, me and this crazy Masters school behind, as she opens the door to her new chapter in her life. It makes me think than sooner, rather than later, this chapter will be closed for me as well. Surely, this seems like an impossible gap of time away from now, during which many things may happen that will change my view on the world and change my priorities. Undoubtedly, I cannot even fathom what I will deem worthy of doing upon (ever) finishing this degree. Only time can tell...

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